Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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