We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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