Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
