I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize