I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
