she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
