Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
