i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
