Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
