i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
