$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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