i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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