gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
