i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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