jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
