OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
