Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can't put those talents on a resume
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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