We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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