I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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