the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
