flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
