I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
