They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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