So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
