Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
