I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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