Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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