remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
