Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
