This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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