I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I FOUND THE LEGS
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
