Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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