Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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