dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
