i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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