I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
