FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need water and some morals
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
