Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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