These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
