God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
