To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
