So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
