either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
