Pappa wants mamma naked
oh god the rape fog is back!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
