dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
