i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
