I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
