i permit you to call me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
