why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
