Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Green mimosas i think yes
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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