Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
