maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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