Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
