I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
