My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
