I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
