You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
