I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize