well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
