I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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