Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
